Ah, 2016, an election year, in case somehow, someone somewhere did not know that.
The problem with election years is that it is nearly impossible to take 30 seconds away from that fact to process information and particularly this year, figure out the logistics of moving to Canada or Mexico. I was certain that I found a bastion of solitude: my rheumatology office where literally NO one wants to talk to anyone because the only common denominators among all of us are unrelenting pain and an uncanny ability to recognize IDC-10 diagnostic codes. Just this Tuesday, I was blissfully playing a game on my phone as I waited to see which vein was going to blow in the lab when a woman 30 years older than me, at least, and dressed in a rather patriotic outfit of red, white, and blue striped jersey sat down across from me.
She took out her knitting and began clicking away as I continued on my meaningless game, when suddenly I hear, “Well, I just don’t want to see any more political ads.” I glance up, assuming that she must have a spouse or family member of some sort sitting with her that I missed.
But then it happened. We made eye contact. For absolutely no reason at all, this woman decided now was an excellent time to let me know this particular piece of information as though we had been deep in conversation. I realized as she stared at me over Transitions bifocals that I was somehow in a conversation that I had no memory of indicating a desire for.
I cleared my throat, trying to come up with a good-natured way out of this conversation.
“I honestly wouldn’t know. The only TV that I watch is Disney Junior, and to my knowledge, my two year old doesn’t have a strong opinion of Sheriff Callie’s seemingly perpetually unopposed run for lead law enforcement of Nice and Friendly Corners.”
It was at this moment that I realized, despite my sarcasm, that I did care about politics. World politics even. I found myself ruminating on this issue even as I laid sleepless in bed at 4 AM. The problem is that the politics of the world I care about seems to belong to Enchancia.
That’s right. I’ve spent a ton of time thinking about the political terrain of Sophia the First.
First of all, I don’t feel like I adequately understand the overall government structure that is going on here. I mean, King Roland is the king of Enchancia, which seems to be a giant castle, some land, and then one tiny village which has no where near enough income for what appears to be the royal lifestyle. Furthermore, since he married Queen Miranda, it would seem that there is a significant lack of available royal brides who would wed for political reasons within the kingdom. Though, based on breeding alone, clearly his first wife must have been a noble of some sort. And what happened to her. . . that question seems unaddressed too. All I know is that Roland and Miranda shared a pretty passionate embrace for someone he had just met for a shoe fitting. Foul play? And it’s not like there are any portraits of her even though her twin children still live in that castle. I digress.
But then, there are all these other kingdoms that seem to have similar set ups of huge castle, bunch of land, and one major city.
So what I have realized is that Enchancia is one of two set ups.
So what is the set up? I mean is he King Roland of EVERYTHING? or is he King Roland and he is equal to a lot of other King types. Ok, so that is my first issue.
Second problem. Let’s assume that all these places are patriarchal in nature, because they seem to be. Every other state/nation/thing seems to have at least 1 (though often only one) heir based on the kids at Royal Prep. This brings me to two issues- are they all going to have to marry each other eventually? There seems to be a lot more girls than guys. Is that setting up for a problem? Also, if your kingdoms had a bunch of land, and you stood to have a bunch more if your kid marries, would it be sensible for you to allow them to do a bunch of crazy unsupervised stuff together? Like, magic carpets? Seems shady. Also, there just happens to be one “wild carpet?” hmmmmm….. I’m watching you Tangu. And then like North Freezenberg? What about South Freezenberg?
And I’m sorry if you are sitting there making a case that kids always have absentee parents in these shows, but we aren’t talking Dora here- she isn’t going to determine the future of thousands of lives if she goes missing. And I keep my fingers crossed that Kate’s parents finally ante-up that she was adopted (Hello biology punnet square- she can’t have brown eyes), and she goes on this crazy pre-teen rage bender and gauges her ears or something, and her parents are SUPER involved with her. Next thing you know she has a Mim-mim tattoo and is in therapy whispering, “I thought he was real. . . “. But again, not risking an entire country with poor decisions. Perhaps the most concerning issue is that Queen Miranda has the most common sense out of any leader, and she spends her days sketching phoenix and delivering pies. If I had more time from searching for my own child and preventing her from riding the dog like a horse into the sunset, I could tell that the number of times someone says “Where’s Sophia?” or whomever is HIGHLY unsettling. These are the future leaders of a nation- someone should probably know where they are.
I just feel as though the whole political back story needs to be rethought on this show. Toddlers aren’t stupid. What am I supposed to tell the nugget when she asks me the hard hitting questions like, “Mommy, do you think the questionable nature of Hildegard and Cleo’s long standing friendship will impact their eventual political marriages and the surrounding economic effects throughout Enchancia?” I mean COME ON DISNEY JUNIOR! You have hung me out to dry. I am lucky that right now she using her obviously gifted abilities to construct towers out of Cheez-its, inspecting the dogs’ ears, and not generating these high impact questions that are inevitable.
But none of this is relevant to the woman in the rhuematology office. She is sweating the small stuff like the United States elections this year. I find myself at a loss for much more to say beyond my initial remark and she smiles at me in a kindly “I could be your mom” kind of way. I’m about to say something to her that maybe reflects my political views, how I feel about my child growing up in this real world with such intense extremes. I begin to open my mouth when she is called into to have her blood work done. She gathers up her materials and wishes me a good day and then tells me that whenever I get sick of all these crazy ads, “you need to look up goats on YouTube.”
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities; For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Regardless what happens in the upcoming elections, I will always have Enchancia. And apparently, YouTube goats.